Issue 4
Tuesday 14th May 2002
Hope for Mere Mortals or "The Brownish Shennanigan's"
| "Honestly Officer, I have only had a couple of minitures!" |
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John Brown in his Vauxhall 30/98 testing his tyre pressure gauge.
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Despite the incredible amount of brain power and rallying experience in the twenties Vauxhall driven by Mr Toad, alias John Brown, and navigated by Arne Hertz they managed to run out of petrol on the first regularity this morning. Peter Rushforth (who was opening the route) was just discussing whether they should stop if they came across the 30/98 in a ditch when, would you believe it, they came across them trying to open a petrol can with a spanner.
Stuart provided technical advice on how to open the can and then proceeded to the end of the regularity to warn the marshals of the approaching Vauxhall. On that news, the true to stereotype Scottish marshal advised them that the price of their spare gas had just gone up to 20 quid a litre.
Even more surprising the Vauxhall then ran out of petrol for a second time 20 miles later. Following that they then had a puncture. Despite all these mishaps the Vauxhall has reached Ullapool tonight.
Rest Day
Denton Udall is aiming to get more mentions than anyone in Maltings as rumour has it that on the rest day he managed to drive his Triumph Spitfire into a lake leaving Susanne up to her waist in water. In an earlier life Denton flew Spitfires, perhaps he forgot what he was in!
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Jon Goodwin and Paul Morris in their Facel Vega HK500 avoiding some locals
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The nav of MGB number 128 Jane Webb came down to breakfast after the day off to announce that she had been dreaming about regularity sections although it sounds more like a nightmare to me. She also said that Ian Chamers and herself had a lucky escape on the rest day in Skye as they declined joining friends Ed and Mark Hunter in their MGB's for a boat trip.
It seems Ed had an eventful trip being left to stand in the rain on a small island for 1 hour while the boatman went elsewhere. On their return journey the rotor arm in their MGB broke and Mark was left to guard the car while Dad walked to get help. As they waited for the garage mechanic to come Dad relaxed for the first two hours in a café while Mark became wetter. Time came to swop places so Mark adjourned to the café only to be told It was just closing. Twas a wet day off but the weather is now improving.
A trip to the Doc.
Shelagh Chapman cracked her ankle and hobbled into the control at the Aros Centre (suitably strapped up with tank tape). A visit to the medical centre in Portree resulted in instant attention. So much for her husband saying "You'll be at least 3 hours, I'll go and get the car sorted out"! Lucky girl had plenty of time for shopping.
More stories from Oban
In conversation with one of the guest house landladies the story unfolded, "The gentlemen were very quiet once they got to their room, it was the going upstairs that seemed difficult. I believe one had to carry the other ..." On further investigation the crew of car 34 (names withheld for the time being) did admit to very hazy recollection - or at least one of them did - the other wasn't sure at all.
They also confessed to enjoying a brief swim in the harbour before retiring, but are not sure where some of their clothes had got to. We expect to have additional info on the missing underpants in a future edition.
Divorce Proceedings
HERO accepts no responsibility for any break ups between driver and nav. One navwife said to her husband "turn left here" which turned out to be incorrect. He was naturally upset as drivers often are and accused her of doing it deliberately to which the lovely navigator responded "You know I mean right when I say left".
However help is at hand as there is a specialist divorce lawyer in car 104 who is offering a good price for handling your complaints if they can be proved to be correct. Mental anguish, a mere wrong slot or even loss of a medal is insufficient grounds but verbal abuse can be considered.
Denis Wilkins from Guernsey in an E type Jag also told me that after a tense situation his wife caught his arm as she was getting out of the car at the end of day 2. He thought "she still loves me..." only to be told that she caught him by the hand to steady herself ...
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Andrew Swanston and Jim Grant climbing "The pass of the Cattle" on their way to Applecross in their Lotus Elan.
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The Competition
The pigswein competition has been won by Sarah Cushway ( Merc 220SEB, no 97, driven by Petre Goldsborough ) who spotted the silver hedgehog on the bonnet of the McKay/Ranson Super 2 Ford. The latter crew is still leading everyone with a mere 16 penalties after 3 full days competition. Future competition prizes will improve (we hope) but the prize for Sarah for spotting the hedgehog is a kiss from the journalist driver, provided he shaves first.
The next prize will go to the first crew to report the place where a "Passing Place Sign" has been modified by one letter. Please do not take the new sign or signs literally.
Last Chance for Romania
Get your money to cars 92, 104, or 152 now and beat "The Savage" on the Little Ferry test tomorrow and you will win a magnum of bubbly as well as support a very worthwhile charity as those of us who have rallied in Rumania will endorse.
Disasters - These are just a few.
Previous gold winner Stan Williams in the Alvis Speed 20 had a half shaft problem and has had to miss controls and thereby lost the chance of a medal of any sort. But Stan is bravely battling on.
Dr Ernst Dobler and Dr Gosta Strasding in a 1966 jaguar E Type Series 1 are still going despite having only 1st and 4th gears since the end of day 1. Their challenge is to finish the rally and they are having fun solving the uphill, downhill, stop and go with their handicapped but lovely car. They are now focussing on looking for the best restaurants along the route, so if you want some advice on eating places, ask the crew of car 146. To date they have accumulated 15,553 penalty points!!!
We have heard that the Jenson has just hit the back of Ian Crammonds Merc on the way into Ullapool. The Merc came off best.
One of the DB6.s were suffering from a misfire when under load only to find that it was a duff radio suppressor that was causing the problem.
Early Day 4 News
Wasn't the Le Mans test at Plockton Airfield, courtesy of "PDQ Helicopters" a whizzer with a number of cars showing poor braking qualities. They probably read PDQ as pretty dammed quick.
On the Airwaves in Ullapool
The whole Malts Rally story went out on Loch Broom FM in Ullapool this evening. The station broadcasts to the Hebrides and Skye plus the mainland from Cape Wrath to Plockton. Since the radio station was opposite the garage where tyres were being fixed, they were not short of Rally Volunteers to talk "On Air".
The Small Print
To protect ourselves from expensive claims or recriminations of any kind, the editors of this news sheet accept no responsibility for inaccurate reporting or spelling and grammatical errors.
